||[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:42 am]
I have a question on Atonement… and as I have no idea exactly how to explain this I’m going to start from the beginning.
A year or so ago, maybe a year and a half, I was attending college and as always I was having trouble not procrastinating on my homework, or even showing any kind of discipline what so ever. I was trying and Odin, being the Father I needed at the time wanted me to try harder as well, he knew I could do it if I would just do it already. Well after much guilt and much more trying I made an oath to him that I would do it right from then on, *flinch* well I did for a few months, a record for me, but then it started to taper off again until I had completely lost all drive yet again… I broke my Oath…
And though Odin had passed me off to Loki before all of this I still considered him the All Father, and my Father, as I have quite a few dad issues that he so graciously helped me with. I get the feeling that he is angry with me like I father would be with an erring child, and I am both disappointed in myself and am finding it hard to find a way to fix the situation, I don’t want to loose him as I have lost two other fathers but I don’t think I have the discipline needed to go back and do as I said I would yet.
I am joining the Coast Guard to try and gain some of that discipline, as well as for other reasons, but I won’t be shipping out until the 13th of November, meaning that I will miss, thanksgiving, Yule, and my 21st Birthday, so gifts of Scotch are out of the question until I get out of boot camp around the 4th of January.
Anyway… I just thought I would see what others might have to say in a situation like this. And thank you in advance for any responses.